Funny English SMS

An unfaithful husband Thinks of other women When he sleeps with his wife. A faithful husband thinks Of his wife when he sleepsWith other women

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If Money Ever Grew On Trees
Girl's Would'nt Mind Dating With Monkeys
 

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Wife comes home late at night
and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket
she sees four legs instead of two!
She reaches for a baseball bat
and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she's done,
she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters,
she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

"hi darling", he says,
"your parents have come to visit us,
so I let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope you have said hello to them.

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I love everybody.

Some I love to be around,
Some I love to avoid,
and
others I would love to punch in the face.

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A Husband said to his wife One day

"I don't know how you can be so stupid
&
so beautiful all at the same time"

The wife responded ,
"Allow me to explain,
God made me beautiful
so you would be attracted to me ;

God made me stupid
so I would be attracted to you !"

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I Have Saved My Girl Friend Number As "LOW BATTERY"
So Whenever She Calls & I Am Not Around
My Wife Plugs My Phone To The Charger

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Do you know
how it feels to love
someone who doesnt
love you ?
Its like
waiting for a boat at the airport

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All Girls Are Beautiful After The Lights Are Switched Off
(Shakespeare)
All Boys Are Innocent Before The Lights Are Switched Off
(Shakespeare'S Wife)

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 Love Happens Automatically.
Manual Working Of It
Is Called Flirting

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As per research

A man speaks 25,000 words daily
&
A woman speaks 30,000

Problem starts when husband comes home
from office after consuming his 25,000 words
&
wife starts her 30,000..

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Lady On Fone
Hi Sir, I want To Meet & Talk To u.
U Are The father Of 1 Of My Kids.
 

Man Stunned,Omg!
R U Riya
No

Anu?
No

Pari?
No

Jasi?
No

Lady in confusion
No Sir I am The Class Teacher
Of Ur Son 

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girl: hi baby! :)
boy: hi my lovely..
(sending failed)


girl: are u there??
boy: yes ! yes i am here!
(sending failed)
 
girl: are u ignoring me or what ???
boy: honey im not.... im here..
(sending failed)


girl: ok! it's over; dont u ever talk to me again!
boy: DAMN! go to hell !
(message sent)

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Girls are like phones.
We like to be held
and talked too-
but if u press the
wrong button
u'll be disconnected!

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In a party a lady wanted
to go to toilet so
she inquired with a sardar
papaji susu karne ki jagah dikhao,
sardarji replied u naughty
pehle tum dikhao.

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A girl phoned me
the other day and said ...
"Come on over, there's nobody home."
I went over. Nobody was home 

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 Come here,
take off your pants and knickers,
get on top of me,
enjoy until u get satisfied,
loving yours..... toilet!

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A young girl after her honeymoon
came fully exhausted and tired,
When her friends asked her what happened?
She replied :
When this 70 year old bastard told me
he has saved a lot from last 50 years,
"I thought It was MONEY"
 

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A man while making love to his maid,
exclaimed 'Martha ur are sweeter than my wife'
The maid smiled and said
'i know 'cos the driver always tells me so'

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Boy:what is that u keep in ur mouth
which is 6" long
and move it in and out
and wait for a white substance to come out?
Girl: y do u ask such question to me.
i cant tell such words
Boy:dont worry its tooth brush

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A short thing
it gets longer as u hold it
& pass between woman's breast
& enters into a small hole
What is it?

Answer: cars seat belt...u dirty mind

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It's the thing that satisfies
ur mind, body & soul!
Do it on bed, on a sofa,
in the car or anywhere!
It's called Prayer!
God bless ur naughty mind.

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Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher:
"can kids of our age have kids?"
Teacher replied " NO Never!!"
Boy said to girl :
"see i told you not to worry!!!!".

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 Girl:Its to tight
Boy: Dont worry,Ill do it slowly,
Gal: Push it in,
Boy: Ah..I cant,
Gal: Its painful,
Boy: Forget it.
.
.
.
.
We'll buy new WEDDING RING!

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Love is a gamble,
Sex is a game,
Boyz do the thing
Girls get the blame,
1 night in pleasure
9 months of pain
1 day in hospital and
a junior needs a name

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 Most interesting line written
on the front of T-shirt of a girl,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Excuse me !
My face is above

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Nurse kept Sardar's finger in her mouth
after blood test.
Then Sardar started dancing.
Nurse: Why are you dancing.
Sardar: Next is urine test.


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He came at night,
explored my body,
got on top of me,
touched me, he bit,
sucked, swalowd,
when he was satisfyed,
he left, i was hurt,
.
.
.
BLOODY... MOSQUITO !!!!


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Two men went to a callgirl.
1st went in and came out ann said
"Nah my wife is better."
2nd went in and came out ann said
"You're right your wife is much better."


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3 FEELINGS:
what is the diference between stress,tension & panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant &
Panic is when both are pregnant.

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Fair & lovely ke ad ma face dikhaya
Ponds ke ad ma hath dikhaya
Pentene ke ad ma baal dikhaye
Phir always ke ad ma cheating kyun?

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A mobile is like women,
Talks non-stop, costs a fortune,
disturbs when you are busy
and when you need them urgently they have no service

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I want you ...
To be with me In a nice Restaurent
To have candle light dinner.... &
to say those sweet three words to you....
"Pay The Bill"

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Do u know what's A B C D E F G?
A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl
Now reverse da order, can you guess the full form of: G F E D C B A ?
Girls Forget Everything Done & Catche(new) Boy Again.

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